Just like everyone else in this world I want life to be perfect. Recently I’ve been having dreams of that special person. I guess what I see in that person is everything I want to be too.
Likes to travel
Likes going for romantic walk and picnics by the sea
Likes sitting watching the stars
Not think family are the worst thing in the world.
I’m a real romantic at heart and would love to be spoilt. I donno what I’m talking about. There is so much I want to write so much I wanna say but I can’t for some reason..maybe next time I think of something I’ll write it down and post at the end of the week.
Then you’ll really see how up and down my emotions are
Last weekend was awesome accomplished an awesome costume for an awesome mate, made muffins… I have to admit I was kinda not looking forward to the weekend I just wanted to sleep but I had an amazing time and sooooo glad we met up.
Monday was also awesome, I went climbing for the first time, it was brilliant fun. I was scared shitless but I did it. I’m really bad at it but I did it and that’s all that matters!!!!! I was so pumped with adrenaline I just couldn’t get to sleep.
Tuesday I was happy cos my auntie and uncle were arriving form Malaysia. They are strange butfun. Their plan was delayed and ended up being at the airport from 8pm till 1.30am but that was stansted :p
Wednesday went very much downhill fast, my back started to kill me, and I’ve been in pretty much constant agony since. I went to the doctors and she said I have pleurisy. Been taking pain killers since.
Thursday I just rested
Friday I went to Brighton for the weekend with my parents. I got to meet up with Laura which was amazing, I miss her loads!!!! Did a lot of walking with mum,dad auntie, and uncle, that’s when I got thinking about what I want in life and stuff…. Ahhhhh I donno
Anyway gonna run away and watch some tv or something.
Well tbh i don’t know.
Things aren’t great at all and i’m really struggling. I have no one to turn to, no one to talk to. it’s all just pretend. Only called upon when something is needed, and recently thats been well never.
When i do get invites, i’m usually busy and that makes me feel even more like shit.
I can’t travel on my own, i’m starting not to be able to travel with people, it’s getting that bad. People just assume travelling 20 mins is easy but it’s not.
0 friends in Kingston, the closes friend i have is 15 mins by bus and i’m fucking dreading visiting.
I just want to curl up into a ball and forget everything. maybe it would be better if i just didn’t exist, then i won’t get in peoples way and you wouldn’t have to worry about me for anymore.
I don’t care if you think this is angsty because it is, what else am i meant to say…. oh yes everything is fine, job sucks, relationship is falling apart, friendship i’ve failed at completely. i’m the worst friend anyone could have.
Yeah i know it’s all down to me to change my life, it’s all my fault things have turned out they way they have but don’t you think i would have tried so hard to get out of this mess. Well i have and i’ve failed just like everything else.
So I wanna write a blog post about my trip to Japan Expo 2011 in Paris but i’m so lazy. I”m stealing Ptoms blog and altering it a bit :p
My plans for this years for Japan Expo were pretty much non existent until Friday morning (i tried to book a flight on thursday for £188 but by the time i found my passport it went up to £433) I kept bugging ptom, cos i’m annoying like that. The cost of flying and the train was just too much for a day trip at such short notice and I wasn’t wasn’t overly keen on getting the coach over, so that left us with one option…. a mental option but we decided to drive… (well ptom drove the whole way and i feel bad, maybe next i’m i’ll drive a bit :p)
So, after work i came home and sorted out the last min preparations. I ended up going to sleep at about 8pm. I woke up at about 11pm and got a text from ptom saying he had left his house. This gave us plenty of time to catch our 3.20am ferry but boy was a wrong!!!! Ptom got stuck in MENTAL traffic, a 1 hour journey turned into 3 hours. So, an hour before we were meant to be getting on the ferry and 15 minutes before we were supposed to be checking in, ptom pulled up outside my flat. The amusing thing was that neither of us were too concerned, I jumped in and we headed off to Dover.
We got to Dover at about 4am and tried to decide what we were going to do about our missed ferry, first we pulled into the euro tunnel to see if we could make up for lost time and grab the next train over, but that was going to set us back £140 (one way), slightly more than the £30 (return) ticket we’d bought for the ferry. So, off we drove to the ferry. We wandered around a bit trying to see if we could find any information points that were open, but all we could find was a slightly drunk man who reaked of booze BUT he was helpful! He pointed us in the right direction and off we went. Pulling up at the check-in area for the ferry I rolled down my window, and asked the man at the kiosk how much it was going to cost us to buy a last min ferry ticket for the next available trip (thinking it would be at about 6am i wasn’t holding up much hope) he looked a little confused and said “Mr Thomas… You already had a ferry booked”. At the point ptom and i looked at each other really confused ourselves. In response to this I was like “Yeah but that was for the 3.20am ferry” to which he replied “No problem sir just go on through and get the next ferry” … I can’t thank P&O Ferries enough for their pyschic members of staff and their helpfullness!!
We got on the 5am ferry and arrived at Calais as 7.30am French time, this left us with 3 hours to get to paris. I can’t believe how empty the roads where but then again who would want to pay €20.40 to get to Paris on a toll road….. oh yes… us :). 2 and a half hours later, we pulled into Japan Expo’s car park and headed towards the entrance! For some really strange reason my phone did not work (even know it worked the last time in Paris) and ptom’s phones battery was in the red, we had no way to communicate with anyone. After queuing for not more than half an hour we finally made it into the expo hall and wait straight to the Dream Morning Musume stall to try winning us some tickets for signing.
This was initially met with some disappointment. We first came across the Dream Morning Musume booth and asked where the raffle was taking place for the signing. We was met by a sad looking face from the woman behind the counter telling us that “all the tickets had been given out at 10” ;_; I almost burst into tears i was so tired and upset.
So, with less spring in our step we headed to the h.NAOTO booth to check out the hANGRY&ANGRY merchandise and to see about the their signing later that day. Here we were told that they weren’t doing a signing on the Saturday… which the schedule on the leaflets handed out showed… 🙁
The stall had some new merchandise and I have to say the new set of photos look AMAZING! There was also a large selection of clothes. The clothes were far too expensive for me, i really wanted a hoody but it was like €81… i mean WTF… in the end i bought the new hANGRY&ANGRY photos.
With us both now on a slight downer we aimlessly wandered around for a bit, until we came across the queues for the signing sessions where we soon found out that the tickets HADN’T already been given out, so in we both rushed. A quick look around showed some recognisable faces, the “tallest Japanese man in the world” and all the other Japanese hANGRY&ANGRY fans that have shown up for all the other appearances were a few people in front, we waved said our hello’s. Mika-chan then came running up and gave me a hug and some Yossy photos, i was so happy. She looked at ptom and said “Yossy fan?” and gave some to him too 🙂
On our first attempt was crap, neither of us won. The Japanese hadn’t either, but had come up with the cunning plan to keep buying tickets to the event until they did, now that’s dedication! (They did this until all 5 of them had tickets and even tried to get KueKun one too but ran out of money) We opted for the more sneaky tactic of licking our tickets and rubbing out the marks that said we’d already queued and jumping back in. By the time we’d got to the front CDevil had turned up and tried to give me his ticket, i thought i would look a bit dodgy having a guys name and me rock up and i was successful and licking off the mark :p so he gave it to ptom. We took our second attempts at getting a ticket. I failed again but as for ptom, he I got lucky and pulled out a yellow ticket with a smiley face!
Ptom and CDevil were sooooooooooooo nice and gave me the winning ticket, i was so happy, i can’t thank you enough, the only condition was that i had to give CDevil Rika’s autograph… which was absolutely fine with me as i was only after Yossy. I feel soooo bad i couldn’t get anything signed for ptom too.
The signing started, ptom and CDevil had positioned themselves infront of the railing and had a pretty good spot to fanboy over the girls. Kuekan (who we bumped into a bit earlier) as well as all the Japanese fans and myself all got in line ready to get their items signed. And then the girls came out, Yossie in jeans and a tshirt (she looked stunning with her long dyed blond hair) followed by Rika in a pair of really short jean shorts!
Before the signing i asked Mika-Chan to write something for me to give to Yossy and Rika to see if i could get the items personalise and i was so lucky. From Rika i asked he “This is for my friend Edmund, please can you sign it for him” She looked up at me and said “Edmondo” and giggled slightly. Apparently at this point CDevil had a moment of excitement :p
For me Mika-chan wrote the note “Hello, My name is Sarah. This is one of my favourite pictures of you as you look so cool. Please can you sign this To Sarah.” She then wrote “Next month is my birthday, please can you write a birthday message” Yossy looked at me and said “Otanjoubi omedetou (お誕生日おめでとう)” to which i replied “Hontoni Arigatou Gozaimasu” and she smiled.
After the signing ptom and i went for a walk to find some food behind the stages where we happened to stumble across lesbo lane. i swear every single lesbian couple were making out behind that stage it was so funny. We walked back again and managed to bump into Yossie and Rika (we wasn’t attempting to stalk them…. honest ;p) as they headed outside to their car, ptom got a little wave from Rika and i got a little smile from Yossy!!
Next up was the “Dream Morning Musume Conference & projection”. We ended up going to the conference before so we could get the best seats behind the Japanese fans but OMG it was the most boring this ever and over ran like crazy. Yossy and Rika had turned up and we could see them in the background. Every now and again i was this really quick flash or blonde and i thought what the hell was that. After looking hard enough i noticed it was Yossy. She had found a little scooter and was just playing with it behind the screen. it was so cute.
The Dream Morning Musume conference itself was was… a bit… um… disapointing. Don’t get me wrong by the end of it I loved it, but as I sat through it I did wonder WTF was going on. It started with a DVD of Dream Morning Musume performing a couple of songs. I know the title said that it was a projection, but come on! I can watch a DVD at home, the girls came out gave a little talk with the annoying “No Life” woman. We then watched another few songs, luckily this time who ever was in charge of the PC had the common sense to fullscreen it this time!! After this Rika and Yossie came back out and sung a performance of Ai wa Katsu the charity single released by Up Front Works.
This trip was so amazing just to see Yossy and Rika as themselves out of their hANGRY&ANGRY alter egos.
Once the event had finished we had an hour to spare, we said our goodbyes and went to grab some air. We ended up spying on Yossy and Rika for a bit as their mini bus was delayed. We then headed back to Calais at a leisurely pace. It was nice just having a chat and chilling. ptom must have been knackered, i know i was. By the time we got to Calais i swear i was going mental. I was talking about my phobias of eating stringy food and the wording i used was just hilarious. I don’t like eating stringy cheese as i’m scared it’s going to get wrapped around my throat, i mean WTF is that haha.
We got out 11.15pm ferry home and drove back home.
It was truly an amazing day, the mix of the unexpectedness of it and getting to see the girls was great, the more I get to see the Yossie the more I love her!
I thought i’d post my LJ post here too just incase people can’t read it and because i can :p
“It’s been a while I hope you’re all good.
I’m getting there, i need to work harder at fixing my life but i’m getting there slowly.
I’ve changed my account name back to Aquapixie. I’m not sure why but I was having much more fun back in those days maybe this will help kick start funs. I’ve still got all my old posts and it’s been a laugh looking through them all.
So whats been happening recently? Well not a lot, i’m still working at Kingston Hospital, it’s been about 8 years now, but i’ve only been in the IT department for 3 years, i’m not really enjoying it but i’m also struggling to find a new job, like thousands of other in the world. In case you didn’t already know i’m living in a little flat in kingston with my boyfriend, we have been here for about a year and a half so if you ever wanna visit give me a shout, we live right next to the river so a nice walk to the park is always on the cards.
I’ve been going out a little more than normal. I went to Collectamania Milton Keynes yesterday with Zoe and Melu. It was awesome, i got to meet Anthony Head, Alex Kingston and David Blue, they were all awesome and really friendly. Zoe has some photos on Facebook if you wanna have a look 🙂
Zoe helped me sign up for a gym, i’ve not been going as much recently but hopefully i’ll start getting back into it soon. I really need to get some more motivation to do a lot of things. There is so much i want to do but i lack motivation to do anything… sooooo bad.
I haven’t really seen my other friends around the place in a while and i feel terrible. If you are ever about the place let me know. I would love to meet up (thats if i’m not being pathetic and panicking).. Talking of friends…. HAPPY BIRTHDAY for tomorrow Choco I hope you have an amazing day and i hope you had an awesome time at wota xx.
I did get a chance to visit my best friends from uni, Kim and Jon the other day. It was amazing, i miss them so much. We haven’t seen each other in about 2 years but it was like it was only yesterday, we chatted about everything and it was just COOL. I was up in Manchester with Chris to watch Gary Neville’s testimonial. We were in the 3rd row and i swear i could almost touch David Beckam lol.
Other bad things in life at the moment is i am POOR, since moving into this flat i have had no money and now they have increased the rent i have less than no money which is pants. Basically what i want to say is Sorry to anyone who asks me to do anything and i can’t because i just don’t have the funds, The worst part about having no money is that i might not be able to go to Ayacon anymore and i deffo can’t afford to go and see Yossy in France at the end of June :(((((
Anyway enough rabbitting from me, i hope to hear from you soon, i’d love to get comments it makes me feel wanted HAHAHAHA :p only joking, it’s nice to hear from you guys whenever wherever :p..
I should really be looking into what more i can do with my life… jobs and courses but i think today i’m going to go back to playing Resident Evil 5 haha
Take Care my lovelies and hopefully i will keep on updating my LJ xxxxx”
Hey all, long time no talk!!!!
I have to admit things this year haven’t been going well, I’m hating my job, I feel bullied and constantly stressed and moody. I’m hoping to get a new job but i just can’t get up the motivation to look, I’m guessing that means i don’t really need it but i so do. I have finally got my MCTS (Microsoft Certified Technical Specialist) so that will get me in the good books of some employees, although i don’t think i want to be in the IT industry anymore. I just don’t know what i want to, i don’t know what i like and i don’t know where i wanna go in life.
The positive aspects of this year so far is Zoe is helping me get fit, we have been going to the gym loads, we are trying to at least go 4 times a week. I have signed up for getting Personal Training too so hopefully i’ll be fit and healthy quicker. I’ve been introduced to Zumba too, it’s AMAZING and so much fun, i’d love to keep this up for as long as possible.
Zoe has also been getting me into actually watching more things, i started watching Supernatural which is AWESOME, Dean is so hot, and also Glee which is fun. She’s been writing a blog called Let Zoe Spoil You you must all go have a look and read some of her reviews, they are awesome.
I want to post this for now i think, i’ll prob try and write something proper tomorrow if i get a chance, i’m going to go and play a little Zumba on my XBox now :p
So i’ve been thinking a lot about things recently which isn’t always a good thing.
I have recently met up with an old friend of mine, Zoe. She has been amazing, she getting me to go to the gym pretty much every day, starting to eat healthier etc. She’s been an awesome influence over the past month and i’m extremely greatful.
Things with friends and events have not been so good. I am no longer on the Mianmi Committee (not really needed anymore) and i have also decided not to attend, mainly due to the money side of things, sadly without the committee i can’t afford to go next year. Some of my friends really haven’t been treating me right and i don’t think it’s fair having to put up with it every day which is why i started a fresh and i’m only keeping in contact with people i want to who i can depend on and they can depend on my too (i hope).
Ahh bored of writing at the moment, i’ll update this entry in abit
Today I went to the doctors to have a follow up appointment, he said i’m not doing too well, i’ve definitely gotten worst than the last time I saw him. One thing the both of us didn’t want to do was get me on Anti Depressants again, but he felt like he didn’t have much of a choice. So yeah, i’m being weened off the Propranolol and put on Citalopram, I really hope they help, i’m not sure what to do anymore.
Anyway enough about me, i thought i’d post some pictures and write about them cos i can ^_^
Piccy Number 1 – This is my avatar. I picked this picture because I think Yossy is amazing and i nearly have an outfit like this. Thats what i’m basing my birthday party on and I want people to see how awesome she is too. I need an Angry…. any volunteers??
Piccy Number 2 – Yossy and her Guitar. As I said Yossy is awesome and has amazing style. She is learning the guitar which is something i’ve always wanted to do, i guess this is a reminder for me every time i look at it to pick up my guitar and have a go. I love Yossy’s fondness for hats, they are cool and suit her so well.
I think eventually when i get a chance and some motivation back, i’ll start to make my Yossy scrap book, i’ve got so much to put in it but just never seem to do anything about it. I’ll take some photos of that too ^_^
Darn… i’m going to have to stop writing again, my food has just arrived.. PIZZZZZZA <3 ~*Aqua*~
Today has been rather crap, i’m so angry and i don’t know what to do with this anger,
If you’ve seen my facebook, you’ll know why…..
I just wants them to go away now, how much more are they going to put me though before they realise they’ve hurt me, they’ve lied, they’ve taken advantage or me and all i wanted was to be friends!!!!
I’ve never wanted so much to be invisible and just go away, leave… but theres so much I want to do.
I’m starting to hate Kingston more and more each day but there isn’t anywhere else i want to me, i’m starting to hate England and some of the people. I watch things on TV and just think (like everyone else), “If only i could do that”, “if only i could be your friend”, “if only i was in that counrty”, “if only things were different” .
I don’t really know what more to say that won’t make me sound like an emo, annoying cow… but i needed to vent and MY blog was the best place to do it…..
I’ll probably write more in a but my food has arrived and i wanna eat.
Is not so fun but meh
Today I went to work for 8am, sat at my desk for like an hour while reading BT emails, so technical and confusing.
Went for training now on assertive… well obviously that was wasted on me, how am I ever going to get the confidence to say NO if i’m constantly put down and just can’t seem to do anything for myself.
Sat in work for an hour then went for some lunch, Sushi whoooot……
Next went for a moving and handling course which was litterally along the line of this is how you pick up a box with nothing in it and how to pick up paper on a chair… very useful honest :s
That was the end of work, went into town with my cousin and had somthing to eat, came back and watched TV…
THAT IS MY DAY!!!!!!! why why why do i have no motivation to do ANYTHING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH stressful!!!!!
Ah Twitter is good for a rant. It's like Primal Scream therapy. Chuck your internal thoughts out int...
Thanks, that actually really helped to read, and yeah depression deffo gets the better if me. I try ...
Manual handling training...Also known as 'covering their backs in case of freak injury' training. ...
Omg this is why I fail at life haha, so far managed to get my captain name wrong, then my team name ...
I meant Slovenia. Err...wait...you went for Yossie and Maasa? Yossie is England. Maasa is Slovenia, ...